As we approach the first tournament of the year with bated breath and edgy anticipation, we celebrate an expansion from 8 to 12 players. The last time we had 12 players was in 1996, the last time Snooter won this event. Actually, we played Cherokee in Atlanta (both courses), then Reynold’s Plantation (two courses) in August of ’96. Way back then, we weren’t using the quota system but relied instead on net handicap scores. Snooter broke out of a tight pack with Neck, Harlan and Ross Hayes and captured his ONLY WDI trophy.
So, can Snooter tease history and do it again? (His 12-year exemption is set to expire this year, and no one has yet offered him any exemptions.) Or can Boynie perform back to back miracles? Or can Kapalua rebound from surgery and regain his WDI mastery? Finally, who is going to sleep with Morrie?
Here are the updated handicap selections from our pal, greasy Jimmy “the Geek,” for the upcoming Orlando WDI.
Snoot, Doggy Dog (5-1)
This has to be his year for crying out loud. Has not been given a sponsor’s exemption for Orlando due to many missed cuts, last on money list, he sucks, etc. A win would net him Comeback Player of the year. (Amazingly, remember when Snoot started playing on WDI tour in 1968, he was touted as the next Gay Brewer?)
Fish (6-1)
Fish can be entering this tourney at the lowest handicap ever, 3. But can he swim upstream to snag the pewter trophy against stiff competition? If he can control his “fish hook” drives, he could be top dog. Sorry, Snoot.
Broneck (7-1)
Has really elevated his game (just like his old Lockheed Airbus 360) in recent years. Handicap at 5 or 6 is a reality. Last time at Orlando in ’05, he tied with Kapalua for championship. Can he do it again? Rooming with his brother – a real detriment.
Lil Peter aka Lil Petey (8-1)
Everyone knows where Hodge got his nickname from, but can Lil Petey, aka The Prez, play consistent golf to win? Probably, as long as he doesn’t have to play with Dennis, Galen, or Boynie. If you’re paired with him, you better perform. Ask Joe Bob. (Don’t tell me I need to make this Goddamn putt!”)
Boynie (9-1)
Boynie’s stock plummeted recently for two major reasons: falling over his cart at PC several weeks ago and cracking his elbow and news from California that Morrie can’t make it to Orlando. Critics doubt he can repeat, but with his sandbagging, cheating handicap, he is still a contender even though he is on injured reserve.
Mudman Mudano (10-1)
Playing in the second WDI outing. Mudman has something to prove after guaranteeing (a la Joe Namath) a victory in Michigan in ’06 and then limping home in 7th place. Is overconfident, but so are all Italians. Will be the 4th Italian-American playing in Orlando in ’08. A new record.
Joe Babbo (11-1)
Critics say Joe Babbo is not a tournament player but a country club player. Will try to prove his critics wrong. Has developed a personality disorder – Galen will be his 3rd roommate in 3 tournaments. If he can overcome his personal demons (why he is always changing roommates, but not changing his underwear), he could go all the way.
Kapalua (12-1)
Stock has dropped dramatically for this 4-time, good-looking, Hawaiian-Puerto Rican-Italian, past champion since he was unable to 3-peat at Torrey Pines. This tourney should tell whether he is back or if he is “a shell of a man.” Recently, voted best-looking, WDI golfer by Mons Venus.
Daaneeese or “D” (13-1)
Got his nickname by playing in one too many husband and wife tourneys. Plus, look at his swing, oye-vay! A WDI rookie who promises to bring his C, D, or F game to Orlando. But can he get hot for 4 consecutive days? A real dark horse, but not as dark as Tiger.
GJ aka Whalen aka Galen (14-1)
Also a new WDI rookie who has played every Saturday for the past 43 years with Dennis. Knows Dennis’ game better than his own. (That’s why his swing is starting to look like Dennis’.) Is WDI’s 4th or 5th doctor participant this year, depending on whether we’ll allow Hodge’s college credentials at Dental U on Florida Avenue to pass muster.
Slipper Sam Duffey (15-1)
All we need to know about Snoot’s roommate is that “Duffey ain’t no duffer.” A 2-digit handicapper that likes to his the ball straight and relax with Johnny Walker.
Neck (100-1)
Finally finished a WDI tourney after being DQ’d in previous two (Michigan & Pinehurst). However, he brought his C+ game to Torrey Pines and finished 6th. Lost his players card as well, but received exemption after brother Broneck mortgaged his home (much to the chagrin of the Nuechterlein family). Has been trying to get Senior WDI tour going in Germany but too many people remember his role at Stalag 17 in ’44. A long shot for a little snot.
Well, there you have it. See you in Orlando. We’ll see who reigns next. The meeting is Tuesday, at 5:30 p.m. the 26th of February, Men’s Grill.
Kapalua