IRELAND 2022 WDI FR-SON TRIP…..FITZ CAPS A CLOT… KAP TRIES TO CLOUT KLUZ AND JOSEYMAN IS NOT A CINCH AT LAHINCH…

By Wick E Wiley, ESPN Sports Guru

“Whaddya mean, my clubs didn’t make the trip from New Joisey?”, snarled an angry Fitz at Cork Airport in Ireland. “Son of a Fitz’s sticks made it and we were on the same plane!” A red-faced United agent, looked down at his cover sheet, gulped and then turned to Fitz. ” Ah sir, sorry but, ah, I don’t think your’e suitcase made it either.” And then everyone stared at Fitz’s red face and……. his red left leg. Can you say venous insufficiency? Or maybe Fitz and his leg were both pissed off? ( Fitz did manage to hobble around, much like his cuz Kapalua….but it wasn’t pretty.)
Thus began the delayed 2020 IRELAND FR-SON WDI GOLF EXTRAVAGANZA in July of 2022. Who participated? There was Fitz and Son of a Fitz; Commish Kapalua and Joey “The Hitman” Capizzi; Joseyman and JJ ( Joseyman Junior) and son-less Kluz. Oh, Chick Garcia had signed up over 2 years ago to be his illegitimate son, but canceled due to health problems.
It didn’t matter whether you have been to the Emerald Isle once or a dozen times—it’s courses, people, sights and food lure one into a blissful state of happiness. And, of course, having a driver from CELTIC GOLF, like Johnny “You know what I mean” Whelan makes ALL the difference in the world!
From the moment he picked up the lads at Cork Airport to the time he dropped them off at Shannon Airport, after 6 days of golf, Johnny was a whirlwind of talents: giving us history lessons of Ireland and the towns we drove through; bringing us beer and snacks after our daily golf forays and loading and un-loading those god-awful heavy golf bags and suitcases…DAILY! At least he was rewarded with a fabulous tip from Commish Kapalua at the end of the trip, who told him……” Johnny, here you go, never piss into the wind.” You know what I mean? You should seen how fast Johnny could run as he chased a hobbling Kapalua around the bus!
The TRIP started out and ended in London for 5 of the chaps: Langans Brasserie; MayFair Hotel, Rules Restaurant, oldest in London…1860s; Big Ben, Liz, Phil etc. What a wonderful way to start a trip and take care of jet lag at the same time. Gin drinks were a big deal in London: gin fizz; straight up, on the rocks or served in beautiful Waterford goblets. However, leaving for Cork at Heathrow the next day was another story. The chaos at the airport reminded me of the Vietnamese exodus streaming out of Saigon in 1975, right before the Viet Cong arrived.
But we made it safely, and our reward was OLD HEAD that same day on a beautiful cloud-less 60 degree day. After 6 rounds of So. Ireland golf, it was voted by 6 out of 7 golfers as their fav course. And the chow at Man Friday in Kinsale that nite was v tasty. Then as the route progressed, they played in order: DOOKS, a hidden gem, much like Beverly in Chicago; fabulous links course; friendly pro and staff; good food and drinks and CARTS!!!
WATERVILLE, still tough especially when the wind blows, which was constant and you had to hit the ball straight. BALLYBUNION, a fav for a couple of us. Joey ” The Hitman” Capizzi hit it Homer-like on No 1 for a birdie, whilst Joseyman was grave-digging in the cemetery (to the right) for his 2 balls!
KILLARNEY HOTEL, the site of our 3 night’s stay was elegant and charming as usual. Short walks into town, but couldn’t find the infamous Lobster Thermidor, that SNOOT gobbled down in 2010 at the former Gaby’s ( now Harrows) We did meet the effervescent and professional Tracey Fox at Harrows, who took over planning CELTIC oversea trips from her dad Joe, who booked many of our WDI trips, going back to ’99.
And finally TRUMP DOONBEG, of course without The Donald, although everyone spoke in hushed tones and wore red MEGA hats. Doonbeg, was designed by The Shark and Kiawah in 2002 and is located in the heart of W Clare in a beautiful picturesque coastal village nestled in a sheltered bay on the edge of the broad Atlantic. ( Trump bought it in 2014 for 15 million and refurbished it for another 5 million)
As Kapalua was wolfing down his 3rd bowl of their famous Clam Chowder, he had to call Joebob, who after listening to Kap slurping his soup, and belching…..promptly hung up.
Oh, how did the lads fare? Let’s take a look at the high-lights and low lights.
JOSEYMAN……started out ok, with a 95 at OLD HEAD, then progressed to a 93 at DOOKS, before falling apart like a cheap suit at the Men’s Warehouse. WATERVILLE, BALLYBUNION AND LAHINCH CAN DO THAT But he had a fine 92 at DOONBEG to raise his spirits! And we all know he had a bunch of spirits on this trip!
MATT JOSEY ( ALSO KNOWN AS JJ, JOSEYMAN JUNIOR) had a up and down week, shooting a cool 100, at a tame DOOKS course but then showed his long-hitting prowess at Waterville, Ballybunion and Lahinch with 90-91-89. Thinking is that he, Joey and Son of a Fitz really enjoyed the post dinner festivities on the trip! Just take a look at my AMEX card!!!!
JOEY…had a great week for a kid who plays golf twice a year ( SNOOT) If he caught the golf bug, he could be a contender! Other than his Homer at Ballybunion….his flashes of greatness were consistently outweighed by his inconsistencies. Fav course…Old Head Fav drink…gin and tonic.Best score…99 at Dooks

SON OF A FITZ ( CHRIS)…also a 13-14 handicapper like JJ, started out the week with a 86 at Old Head and Dooks, ballooned to a 94 at Ballybunion; rebounded again to an 88 at Lahinch…..and had his balloon burst with a 97 at Doonbeg. Best score: 86 at Old Head, Dooks and Ballybunion. Great cuz. Would invite him on any future WDis.

FITZ ( KEVIN) ….after having both a red ass and a red leg to start the trip, shot 92 at Old Head and had best rounds of 90 at Dooks, Waterville and Ballybunion, before increased leg pain caused erratic play and a 97at Doonbeg. Perhaps, his caddie singing, “they shoot horses don’t they”, caused him some consternation? Maybe that’s why he didn’t play Lahinch! As of today, he’s still alive and planning another golf trip overseas this year. It was nice knowing him!

KLUZIE…..Came in with a 22 handicap, until several blanket parties brought him down to a 16. He’s probably a 12. Still, his 300 yard drives ( from the ladies tees….he said his feet hurt ) and all-around sparkling play 86,85,92,86,86,90 provided him with many Euros on the bus ride back to the hotels. 85 at Dooks — best round.

COMMISH KAPALUA……getting foot and mouth disease on the 1st day of the toonamint, really destroyed his quest of shooting in the low 80s for all 6 rounds…although he did shoot in the mid 80s for all but Waterville. In the famous words of Caesar, he said quite succinctly, ” I came. I saw. I played. I sucked” Best round: 85 at Old Head and Ballybunion Worst round: using putter as cane at a very hilly Lahinch course.

Well there you have it sports fans, perverts and teen-age girls. Another ‘trip of a lifetime.’ Im particularly sorry that the WDI tour lost TV coverage on the 1st day of play, But let’s blame it on the LIV Tour that just started play a week before ours. And we heard rumors that former WDIer Joebabbo, is thinking of leaving the Tour and starting his own WDI Scotland Group….he plans to keep on playing in Scotland and using On The Fairways until the Good Lord takes him! He could be barred from future WDI toonamints, if he does! He apparently offered Jake, the Snake , several hundred euros to join his tour, which he immediately rejected! More later!

Yours in golf,
Wick E Wiley