The sleek black Celtic Golf tour van rolled to a crunching stop at the pebble-strewn entrance to Tralee after a bumpy 2 hour drive from the Shannon Airport and out poured (literally) 6 tired, glassy-eyed golfers. “Stick a fork in me, I’m done”, yelled Snoot to no one in general, as he hurriedly exited the bus.
Was it jet-lag, the ensuing long bus ride and the excitement of playing the 1st round of golf in Ireland OR could it have been the incessant, mindless chatter of the Celtic driver, Jumping Johnny YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, Weghlan that caused that “deer in the headlight stares” from the WDI lads.
Johnny, a born and bred Dubliner, spoke with the usual Irish brogue and had the usual Irish ‘summer teeth’ (some were there… some weren’t)
If Jimmy the Geek had wagered that no one could talk nonstop for 2 hours (other than ugly women) he would have lost the bet. And if the WDI boys had taken a 100 true/false test on Irish history, I think they would have aced it. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Back to the golf story. Once again, a ‘rookie’ golfer defied the odds, the prospect of volcanic ash, Johnny the bus driver and the rugged weather of S.W. Ireland to win the 26th WDI Tourney. Jake “The Snake” Nellis, Snoot’s stepson, a 6 handicapper from Atlanta and a veteran of the past two Snoot Father/Son tourneys, stepped into WDI immortality by posting a final round 77 at Lahinch to win despite a late charge by the cagey vet duo of Kapalua (84) and the Duke of Eric (74).
Jake knew it was going to be a tough battle, but he didn’t realize how demanding his game would have to be, in order to prevail and ‘beat off’ (so to speak) his challengers. And he also didn’t realize what “a pain in the ass” this trip would be to him. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Kapalua, as usual, led the field after the first round at Tralee, (83) by one over Jake (81) and 2 over Duke (79). The good looking Puerto-Rican Hawaiian has a history of fast starts and slow finishes, and this WDI was no exception. Day 2 at Ballybunion was colder (high 50s), windier and a lot more tougherer.
With the first tee shot slung over an ancient cemetery, every shot was challenging but fun. Kapalua (85) and Jake (82) shared first place by a scant 3 points over Duke (81) and 9 points over a recalcitrant JoeBabbo (91). But, what about the Snooters? Snoot and Snoot Jr. (Alan McNulty)? Can you say 5th and 6th place? And there were only 6 golfers!!!
Snoot Sr. was in a freefall looking very much like a green beret parachutist, but w/o his parachute. He had been ‘en fuego’ for most of the 09·10 WDI season; tying for 1st w/Duke at Shoal Creek; coming in 2d after leading for 5 and 7/8 rounds at Oakland Hills, Michigan and winning handily at Bay Hill this past January. However, it appears that he had ‘shot his wad’. He would eventually make WDI infamy by going from ‘first to worst.’ YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Snoot Junior, was unfortunately, emulating his ‘old man’ after several rounds, but suddenly found his game ‘laddie’ and made a late run at Old Head and Doonbeg, only to fall apart like a cheap suit at Lahinch. He encountered “bunkermania.”
Meanwhile, the ‘dark’ horse of the tourney, going in and perennial fan favorite, JoeBabbo, just couldn’t find his mojo. When he realized on the first day at Man Friday’s Pub that there is no pasta in Ireland, his eyes watered briefly, his shoulders sagged and his game sucked from that point on. He started out 95-91-88 and then he heavily hit the sauce (not tomato). YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
The Duke of Eric, low handicapper of the group (3), and the ONLY Royal as well, had the most consistent rounds and lowest score of the tourney (74), but he couldn’t master the elements, master his roommate Snoot’s snoring or just plain masturbate! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? But, his late charge at Lahinch made his tournament respectable.
After Jake’s 77 was posted and the WDI aluminum trophy presented at the Lahinch clubhouse, he quaffed down his 4th Smithwick’s and quietly enjoyed the paparazzi’s attention. He hoisted up his pint and gave the ever increasing press corp an update on his physical condition and then left carrying his portable bidet.
Some interesting tidbits were gleaned from this 26th WDI trip: Kapalua’s oft-told fabricated story of large hares, wolverines and donkeys may turn out to be partially credible. Some of the lads did see several large hares hopping around the courses, but Alan McNulty noted, “I thought I saw a 5 foot hare in the distant fog, but when I got close it was the Duke bending over in his beige rainsuit tying his shoes.” Sorry Kapalua.
Secondly, as you would all agree playing with your pals in Ireland is awesome, BUT Snoot, playing with his sons was, according to him “unfriggingbelievable”. And thirdly, the WDI found its home as it was tacked up on an ancient wooden beam at a 15th century pub, Durty Nelly’s, next to fire rescue and police department crests from all over the world. The ceremony only took turdy or farty seconds.
But, when all is said and done, when the last round is played; the last dinner enjoyed and the last goodbyes shared and you reflect how terribly worn out you are physically and emotionally….spent tons of cash, suffered heartburn/hangovers/hemorrhoids, poor decisions, bad swings and lost a hundred balls…..
When you reflect back further on the trip with the outstanding hotels; delicious meals, fantastic courses, great camaraderie and if you’re lucky in some cases w/your sons and brothers, everyone and I mean everyone…..wants to go back and do it all over again. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? Yeah, I think I do!!!!!!!
Poga-Mothoin,
Rick Reilly
FINAL SCORES
1 JAKE -81-82-85-75-81-77
2 KAPALUA -83-85-91-85-89-84
3 DUKE -79-81-83-82-84-74
4 JOEBOB -95-91-88-90-91-88
5 ALAN -101-100-98-89-94-97
6 SNOOT -95-93-94-88-90-92
Click here to go to the photo gallery: 2010 Southern Ireland