KAPALUA KREEMS KLUZ AND KREWE TO KAPTURE
50TH COVID WDI AT BAY HILL & CC OF ORLANDO
BY Wick E Wiley, ESPN Sports Guru
“No COVID 19 Vaccine for you Kluz,” yelled a fired-up Kapalua as he rammed home his 2nd consecutive birdie on the front 9 at Arnie’s house, Bay Hill, to take a commanding lead in the 50th COVID WDI. ( Kluz and Kap had played in a final pairing at 40th WDI @ ERIN HILLS in 2016 and Kluz had eked out a close win over he and JoeBob….and Kap was still irked about it) KAPALUA took great pleasure in finishing the front 9 at 1 over 37, especially after what happened at dinner the night before.
Told by KLUZ, SNOOT and JOEBOB to sit 50 feet away at dinner from them at BAY HILL , in retaliation for not wearing his mask, KAPALUA steamed all evening. Sipping cold soup, chilly tuna tartare ( oh, it’s supposed to be chilly…Kap realized that after he had it sent back to be cooked twice), hard bread and hearing the boys guffaw all nite, really pissed him off.
BAY HILL, by far, was one of the WDIers favorite courses, out of the almost 150 courses ( in US and abroad) the WDI has played since 1994 and this was their 7th visit here! On their first trip to BH, 15 years earlier in 2005, BH was the culmination of a 4-course format that started with Timiquana and TPC Sawgrass in Jacksonville and ended in Orlando at Lake Nona ( we putted next to Annika Sorenstam ) and BAYHILL. Broneck had shot a marvelous 73 at Lake Nona to pull even with KAP as they entered the last round.
It was at BH, that Broneck and Kapalua won their 1st WDIs respectively after being on the Tour for 11 years….they tied after battling each other; the elements and Duke’s bad breath for 18 holes. Now playing BH 15 years later, their drives weren’t traveling 270-280 anymore, but 190-210 ( wind-aided) Broneck 81, limpimg noticeably, after 2 back operations in California in the past year and Kapalua 60, who was on IR for most of 2020, with a wretched l. knee ailment, coupled with a nasty MVA in July, were rejuvenated just to be able to play together for 2 rounds.They had played so-so the day before at beautiful, Country Club of Orlando, a Bendelow-Donald Ross design, smack in the middle of downtown Orlando and completed 5 years before Palma Ceia in 1911.
KAP had finished the first day in 3rd place at -1,( Broneck in 5th) behind KLUZ at +1 and soon-to-be-retired JOBABBO @ 0. The remaining schmoos were already out of the running with poor scores and bad attitudes. The lightning fast greens probably had something to do with that!
SNOOT DOGGY DOG, however, showed some flashes of yesteryear, when he played as a teen phenom in Orlando and especially here at CC of Orlando and Dubsdread. ( before he matriculated at Jesuit High in Tampa and met the highly popular Kapalua as a pimply-faced Frosh The fondest memory he had was when Kapalua told Snoot to wash his car. Nice guy!) However, at a Junior toonamint at CC of Orlando, after being pummeled by 2- 80 year old Seniors, a pair of twin trans-gender teen age girls and a one-armed ex-caddie….SNOOT promptly quit competitive golf until he joined the WDI. He was 10……………
JOEBOB, aka, as the Meeting Man Man, for his 40 meetings a week at BAYCARE and soon to be retired at the end of the year, so he can sit around and do absolutely……..NOTHING, which by the way what he does NOW……. just couldn’t take playing 18 straight holes without a Virtual Meeting, so he stopped at 9 and presided over a hospital dispute involving a GYN doctor pinching a nurses ass.
JOSEYMAN was the last entrant to the WDI field, after 32 golfers declined, including Ralphie the shoe-shine man; Martin, a waiter/bartender extrordianiare and Fareed Ossi.But, he almost “holed out” for an ace at the par 3 14th…..his highlight of the weekend along with almost being charged with Breaking and Entering the empty/closed Bay Hill 19th hole bar, the nite before.
BOYNIE and son-in-law GOLDIE, played well in sporadic bursts—-hitting the flag on one hole and and hitting the forecaddie at the halfway house on another. This was BOYNIE’s 34th WDI tying him with the NECK, who failed to qualify up in Michigan the week before, probably because the Fortress Golf Course in Frankenmuth was frozen over. And this was GOLDIES 8th WDI and along with a bunch of SNOOTS ( the Father-Son toonamint that was interrupted this year after 13 straight years by COVID)
KLUZ, came in as a (gasp) 18 handicapper, blaming his limp ( wrist) on his 2 ankle surgeries. Yet, Broneck says he thought he saw Kluz, or a look-alike playing tennis earlier that morning and he never joined the group for breakfast. Hmmmmmmmmmmm………can u spell Sandbagger?…
ARNIE would have loved seeing the WDIers return for their 7th visit. He met and took pics with some of the boys, several times in the past….Kap even gave him a WDI lapel pin and hat, which he promptly threw in the garbage. But on Sunday, there were no galleries; no Arnie’s Army; no Kapalua Krewes; just the WDIers moving briskly along with forecaddies Hector And Chester, 2 illegal immigrants from Mexico, who survived the Trumper, ICE and being shipped back home….and who were fabulous at reading putts and giving distances. And one , I don’t remember who, was a little jittery due to a golf ball sized knot on his forehead.
And kudos to all the boys who braved the COVID crisis, by staying safe. And to KAPALUA who was a goat on Saturday…but a real GOAT on Sunday!
SCORES:
- KAPALUA +6 88/82
- KLUZ 0 89/91
- JOEBOB -3 87/90
- BRONECK -8 92/90
5.JOSEYMAN -9 96/95
- BOYNIE -10 97/96
- ANDY -11 91/91
- SNOOT -16 90/97
PAST SCORES IN ORLANDO/BAY HILL : 2005 TIE KAPALUA AND BRONECK -2; NECK -4; 2008: FISH -2; HODGE -9; KAPALUA -10 2010: SNOOT +4; JOEBOB -3; NECK -5 2011: DUKE +3; SNOOT -3; KAPALUA-4; NECK -6 2012: KLUZ -1; JOEBOB -2; KAPALUA -4 2015: JOEBOB -2; SNOOT -7; KLUZ -7
Hope u boys and girls and perverts everywhere enjoyed another of my Award-wining articles. See you in 2021.
Yours in golf,
WICK E. WILEY