The mammoth, silver-haired crowds were stampeding behind the ropes, hoping for a chance to see the tall, hairless wonder as he strode down the 18th fairway en route to his second WDI Major win. “The Fish” a.k.a. The Peruvian Sea Bass, who won in England way back in ’04, saw this win as redemption-that he could do it again after a winless drought of almost 784 consecutive tournaments in between. How he got to the lead on 18 proved interesting.

Due to increased pressure from the media, fans, and ESPN, the field was enlarged from 8 to 12 for this tournament. The venue was two rounds at Q-School courses: Panther Lake and Crooked Cat and two rounds at famous Bay Hill. Rookies like Lil Petey, Denise, Duffey and The Whaler were added to a star studded field that included the aging Neck, Bro-Neck, and perennial fan favorite and four-time champ Kapalua. Last year’s Rookie, Runner-up of the Year, Joe

Babbo (from Northwest Sicily) was having a great Spring, as was Hit-man Mudano (from Southeast Sicily) and Snoot- Dog. However, the past winner at Torrey Pines in August of ’07 and hoping to repeat, Boynie, encountered significant elbow problems en route to his second title. Bruised and broken but not beaten and playing without Morrie’s support, he courageously played his heart out but still finished last. “only” 44 points behind Fish.

But Boynie was involved in one of the best matches of the weekend with partner, Kapalua, at Bay Hill. You remember Kap, winner of the WDI at Pinehurst in April ’07, but fading fast, who unfortunately fell victim to one of the Neck brothers, – “stiff neck.” They were up against the tough low handicappers, Snoot (-7) and Hit-man Mudano (-7). Medical MASH units were lurking most of the day behind Kapalua and Boynie, luckily, out of their view. It was a clash of opposites and their upset victory was synonymous to the Giants win against the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLLX. Spectators were left gasping for breath as the four golfers battled it out in a seesaw match until they came to the 18^th hole. Snoot-Dog, trying to emulate Roberto Gamez or Tin Cup’s Kevin Costner, knocked two in the drink dashing their hopes.

Back to the story, Fish had maintained a slight 1 point lead over Kapalua, BroNeck, The Whaler, and Joe Babbo on Thursday despite the seven birdies put up on the board by partners, Kapalua and BroNeck. After day two, he and BroNeck were tied for the lead at +1 at Crooked Cat due to BroNeck’s sparkling 79. But the Fish faltered on Saturday with a 91 at Bay Hill to fall into second place, three points behind 3rd round leader, the gritty, ex-champ Kapalua (-5).

Fish blamed his poor showing on one too many bottles of Cakebread wine at

Christini’s Italian Ristorante the night before.

However, on Sunday, not only were the final foursome of Kapalua (-5), Fish (-8), The Whaler (-9), and Joe Babbo (-10) all within reach of the coveted Pewter Cup but a great round from BroNeck, Mudman, Neck or Lil Petey could vault them also to victory. Snooter and Duffey had boycotted Thursday’s round due to lack of sponsors, perks, and respect and were promptly DQ’d, thus, making them ineligible for the Championship. On Sunday, for Fish, time had come to well, “Fish” or “Cutbait.” Whether it was divine intervention (Fish’s shots would strike rocks, bleachers, etc., and rebound onto the green for easy birdie putts); or a tough course – Joe Babbo (94), The Whaler (96), and Kapalua (92) had miserable back 9’s due to rotten lies, long rough, etc. The Pescado played like a

flambeaud Pompano shooting a sizzling 83 (+6) and finishing first at -2. On the verge of tears, Boynie, his roommate, was very proud of Fish’s achievements and blurted out for everyone to hear, “I sleep with the Fish,” much to the annoyance of several dark-skinned Sicilians who were standing nervously nearby and looking to arrange just that for Boynie.

Lil Petey, unable to locate his “you know what” finally found his game and jumped into second place at -9 while stiff-necked Kapalua limped in at third at -10 and the stout, short, aging Kraut, the Neck, who was constantly harassed by a group of anti-short, German people leapt up to fourth place at 14, his best finish in 14 years.

The first of the ’08 Majors now over, the WDI heads out west to Oklahoma and venerable Southern Hills, host of its 8^th Major Tournament (1958, ’77, and ’01 US

Open; 1970, ’82, ’94 and ’07 PGAs) the 25th WDI Invitational. Kapalua’s older and less handsome brother, Jose, or Prez Kap, also by way of Puerto Rico and Sicily will host and play in the Silver Anniversary Tournament accompanied by two other Southern Hills members, making this tournament one to remember.

See you then,

Rick Reilly

  

FINAL STANDINGS

1                      Fish                 -2

2                      Lil Petey         -9

3                      Kapalua          -10

4                      Neck               -14

5                      The Whaler    -15

6                      BroNeck         -17

7 (tie)              Joe Babbo     -20

7 (tie)              Mudman         -20

9                      Denise            -27

10                    Boynie            -46

After three rounds:

11                    Snoot-Dog     -9

12                    The Duffer      -25

As we approach the first tournament of the year with bated breath and edgy anticipation, we celebrate an expansion from 8 to 12 players. The last time we had 12 players was in 1996, the last time Snooter won this event. Actually, we played Cherokee in Atlanta (both courses), then Reynold’s Plantation (two courses) in August of ’96. Way back then, we weren’t using the quota system but relied instead on net handicap scores. Snooter broke out of a tight pack with Neck, Harlan and Ross Hayes and captured his ONLY WDI trophy.

So, can Snooter tease history and do it again? (His 12-year exemption is set to expire this year, and no one has yet offered him any exemptions.) Or can Boynie perform back to back miracles? Or can Kapalua rebound from surgery and regain his WDI mastery? Finally, who is going to sleep with Morrie?

Here are the updated handicap selections from our pal, greasy Jimmy “the Geek,” for the upcoming Orlando WDI.

Snoot, Doggy Dog (5-1)

This has to be his year for crying out loud. Has not been given a sponsor’s exemption for Orlando due to many missed cuts, last on money list, he sucks, etc. A win would net him Comeback Player of the year. (Amazingly, remember when Snoot started playing on WDI tour in 1968, he was touted as the next Gay Brewer?)

Fish (6-1)

Fish can be entering this tourney at the lowest handicap ever, 3. But can he swim upstream to snag the pewter trophy against stiff competition? If he can control his “fish hook” drives, he could be top dog. Sorry, Snoot.

Broneck (7-1)

Has really elevated his game (just like his old Lockheed Airbus 360) in recent years. Handicap at 5 or 6 is a reality. Last time at Orlando in ’05, he tied with Kapalua for championship. Can he do it again? Rooming with his brother – a real detriment.

Lil Peter aka Lil Petey (8-1)

Everyone knows where Hodge got his nickname from, but can Lil Petey, aka The Prez, play consistent golf to win? Probably, as long as he doesn’t have to play with Dennis, Galen, or Boynie. If you’re paired with him, you better perform. Ask Joe Bob. (Don’t tell me I need to make this Goddamn putt!”)

Boynie (9-1)

Boynie’s stock plummeted recently for two major reasons: falling over his cart at PC several weeks ago and cracking his elbow and news from California that Morrie can’t make it to Orlando. Critics doubt he can repeat, but with his sandbagging, cheating handicap, he is still a contender even though he is on injured reserve.

Mudman Mudano (10-1)

Playing in the second WDI outing. Mudman has something to prove after guaranteeing (a la Joe Namath) a victory in Michigan in ’06 and then limping home in 7th place. Is overconfident, but so are all Italians. Will be the 4th Italian-American playing in Orlando in ’08. A new record.

Joe Babbo (11-1)

Critics say Joe Babbo is not a tournament player but a country club player. Will try to prove his critics wrong. Has developed a personality disorder – Galen will be his 3^rd roommate in 3 tournaments. If he can overcome his personal demons (why he is always changing roommates, but not changing his underwear), he could go all the way.

Kapalua (12-1)

Stock has dropped dramatically for this 4-time, good-looking, Hawaiian-Puerto Rican-Italian, past champion since he was unable to 3-peat at Torrey Pines. This tourney should tell whether he is back or if he is “a shell of a man.” Recently, voted best-looking, WDI golfer by Mons Venus.

Daaneeese or “D” (13-1)

Got his nickname by playing in one too many husband and wife tourneys. Plus, look at his swing, oye-vay! A WDI rookie who promises to bring his C, D, or F game to Orlando. But can he get hot for 4 consecutive days? A real dark horse, but not as dark as Tiger.

GJ aka Whalen aka Galen (14-1)

Also a new WDI rookie who has played every Saturday for the past 43 years with Dennis. Knows Dennis’ game better than his own. (That’s why his swing is starting to look like Dennis’.) Is WDI’s 4th or 5th doctor participant this year, depending on whether we’ll allow Hodge’s college credentials at Dental U on Florida Avenue to pass muster.

Slipper Sam Duffey (15-1)

All we need to know about Snoot’s roommate is that “Duffey ain’t no duffer.” A 2-digit handicapper that likes to his the ball straight and relax with Johnny Walker.

Neck (100-1)

Finally finished a WDI tourney after being DQ’d in previous two (Michigan & Pinehurst). However, he brought his C+ game to Torrey Pines and finished 6th. Lost his players card as well, but received exemption after brother Broneck mortgaged his home (much to the chagrin of the Nuechterlein family). Has been trying to get Senior WDI tour going in Germany but too many people remember his role at Stalag 17 in ’44. A long shot for a little snot.

Well, there you have it. See you in Orlando. We’ll see who reigns next. The meeting is Tuesday, at 5:30 p.m. the 26th of February, Men’s Grill.

Kapalua