Who will hoist the aluminum Commissioner’s Cup, emblematic of the “Best damned WDI golfer in Michigan” this September in the Final Major of the Friggin Year? Will it be a red-hot Kapalua who was “en fuego” for most of the summer or his roommate Joe Bobbo, also on a hot streak? Or could it be the Alabama co-winners Snooter and Duke trying to “repeat?” And finally, who will be the new T.C. Chen at Oakland Hills? (Morrie’s not playing)

Thanks to my good friend, Jimmy “The Geek” he will “honestly” handicap the field for September’s tourney.

Jorge Kapalua 2 – 1

The sweet-swinging, good-looking Puerto Rican/Hawaiian seems to be the odds-on favorite in Michigan. Won there previously at Treetops in 2006 over nine grueling courses culminating with a final round 79 at the Bear in Traverse City, beating a premiere field of top 100 golfers. So he has the experience. His swing coach, Butch Harmon says “Kap has never hit the ball more weller (Diane) then this summer. I pick him to win it all.” Voted outstanding smart, MOFO WDI Golfer by the girls at Mons Venus, he needs to win this event to salvage his year. As you know, a year without a WDI major is a failure to “Eldrick” Kapalua.

Neck 100 – 1

Back in the prime of his life, he was ALWAYS a fierce competitor. His German

stock prohibited him from “taking a dive” or crying when behind. (There’s no crying in golf, Neck.) Back in the day, in the final round on Sunday afternoon, a hard-charging Neck put fear in the hearts of all players; but that was then. Now, he is a shell of a man. Drives go 155 – 160 yards max, nine-iron’s 65 yards max; can’t putt, chip or chew gum. Chili dip is his favorite food. Flying from Michigan to Tampa to Austin on a weekly basis has given him a million free Delta Sky Miles, but, unfortunately, has sapped his strength. Was DQ’d in last Michigan WDI in 2006 and disgraced before his Michigan fans, all two of them. Predicted finish – “LAST.”

Boynie 99 – 1

His playing career can be likened to the blockbuster movie hit, “The Wreckage of

the Andrea Doria.” It may be finally time for Boynie to have that surgery to remove both his arms and replace them with arm prosthesis. Up-and-down play/career currently in down mode. Has slim chance of victory, but could be spoiler as partner. (In other words, he’ll spoil his playing partner’s round/day.) Playing very Baddely (as in Aaron) lately. Won’t be playing with regular Saturday morning playing chum, Denise, who he has played with for over 40 years. (And Morrie is nowhere to be seen either.) Could be significant detriment to young Boynie Stein.

Fishman 98 – 1

Another ex-WDI champion who has seen his glory days come and go (see WDI ’08), but has fallen on hard times. Some say his game recently smells like “rotting mackerel.” New clubs could be the reason or looking at Mitzel’s swing all those years could also be a factor. The big question is, can the “flopping flounder” rebound in time to win at Michigan? The answer – a resounding “NO.” Of course, if his handicap remains at 17, he could “swim” in the back door.

Snoot. “The People’s Player” 4 – 1

After years of abject failure following his first WDI win in Atlanta in ’97, the Snoot

Dog baffled his pundits, with a co-championship win this past May in Alabama. His ’09 play, however, reminds one of an ex-champ who battles years of alcohol, drugs, bitches, and depression and then wins again. Could Snoot be “on the road to recovery?” A repeat win would put him in the premiere class of consecutive WDI winners – Bolt, Kapalua, Fish – all the men he has looked up to and admired all of his miserable, wretched life. Come on, Snoot Dog, you can do it. WAT DAT BE!

Duke 5 – 1

After posting a second place finish at Bandon Dunes in August of ’05, the Duke of Eric fell off the wagon and left the WDI tour. However, after losing his card after Bandon Dunes due to poor eating habits and lousy golf course strategy, the Duke found God. After all, he was touted in 2001 as “promising New player on WDI Tour.” The Duke displayed flashes of brilliance but never won a Major – till Alabama ’09. With the weight of the world off his back, can he resurrect his career before he marries? (In Oct.?) Will he have a great time at his bachelor party? (post WDI tourney) Could he lose his passport in Canada? Will he wake up in a Canadian jail cell smelling of whiskey and stale perfume? Tune in after the Michigan WDI to find out the answers.

Broneck 6 – 1

Oldest living player in WDI history, 89 year old Broneck is still in the competitive

mode. He plays only two majors a year to preserve his strength. Although he last won in ’05 in Jacksonville/Orlando WDI tying with Kapalua at Bay Hill, he has competed well in subsequent WDIs while eating a solid diet of oatmeal and pablum. Broneck is an excellent two-man partner with a deliberate stroke. However, following his retirement from Aeroflot Airlines, Broneck’s handicap has steadily plummeted to a zero. Does he have the stamina to play well in his own Michigan back yard? NEIN!

Joe Bob 3 – 1

Joe Bobbo, known affectionately by his child patients, as “Doctor Wop” has been

striking the ball pretty Diane (Weller) lately. But he could be peaking a little prematurely, if you know what I mean. Was recently caught “peeking” in his car at Hooter’s parking lot by Tampa Police several months ago. Spending the week in the slammer has changed his resolve to win in Michigan. However, doesn’t take well to Italian curses when he is playing good golf. Otherwise, could be the dark horse of the field assuming he doesn’t drink vodka with cranberry following that up with a couple lemoncello’s. Looking forward to “spooning” with bi-sexual roomie, Kapalua.

Well, there you have it sports fans. Thanks, Jimmy, for your “honest” input. See you at Oakland Hills. Remember, recorded play to be aired on ESPN “3” from 3:00 a.m. to 5:00 a.m., Tues. – Sat., September 21 – 26.

Rick Reilly

Say it ain’t so Snoot? For the first time in the past century, the Snoot is not a single digit ‘no mo’. The last time he was a “10” was when Miss Woods, a black lady, sat at a dime store counter in Selma, Ala., circa 1951. When contacted by this reporter for his response, he wept profusely. Then he stood up and exclaimed” I’m winning the Alabama WDI”.

When contacted at his Caribbean resort, Jimmy the ‘Geek’ immediately changed Snoot’s odds to 8-1, “He’s capable of putting up some good scores, because he is a grizzled vet. If he does so early, watch out.”

Some of the WDI Tour’s players offered their comments:

Hyden-Seek—Is Alabama a dry state?

Mudman–If it is, Snoot is in trouble.

Prezkap–If he was a 10 at So. Hills, he coulda won.

Duke–He sucksl

Kapalua–His 2-man partner Boynie said he’s not playing.

Whatever. Here are the Alabama handicaps: Duke–3; Hackster–5; Kapalua–9; Snoot–10; Joebob–12; Fishman–14; Stevie Sideberns–16; Boynie–17

Yours in sports,

Rick Reilly

While the PGA boys were playing in Jacksonville at TPC Sawgrass on the second week in May, a different drama was unfolding on the WDI tour in Birmingham, Alabama. A resurgent Snoot Doggy Dog and grizzled vet, The Duke of Eric, battled to a tie after five grueling rounds at a rain shortened Alabama WDI. Play stopped after 13 holes at the Oxmor Valley Ridge course on the Robert Trent Jones Trail on Sunday with both players tied at +7 (first time WDI has been rained out). However, the last time the WDI ended in a tie was in 2005 when Kapalua and Broneck went toe to toe at Bay Hill in Orlando.

However, it didn’t start that way. Kapalua, one of Jimmy the Geek’s favorite to win the tourney at 6-1 odds, shot 79 at hallowed Shoal Creek with four birdies to take the early first round lead by 6 (at +6) over Snoot (0) and The Duke (-1), but mosquitoes, flesh eating flies, and wine jitters from Cafe du Pont that evening caused Kapalua’s demise. Even though he shot 82 the next day at Old Overton, the field was gaining on him and he would never regain his first day form.

Pity. Stevie No Socks, aka Steve Sideburns and The Duke (72) played like PGA

pros to tie for the second round lead at Old Overton while Kapalua fell to second place. Duke’s even par 72 was the lowest gross total in WDI history besting BroNeck’s 73 at Lake Nona in 2005.

Fish, Boynie, and Joe Bob, meanwhile, started out slowly posting high numbers while the Hackster, Fish’s protege and current TGH ER resident, shot an 82 at Shoal Creek. Hack was low medalist 32 years ago at Shoal Creek at age 30 at the U.S. Amateur but couldn’t play like the Hack of old. As the play continued to venues at Greystone (site of the Champions Tour for many years) and Ross Bridge, the tide (as in Alabama) turned. The Duke and Stevie No Socks continued their sterling play, but it was the imaginative golf course management and gritty short play of Snoot that won the fans of Alabama. Many of the Charade Dollhouse Girls lined the course wearing their trademark red t-backs with “We love the Snoot” pasties.

Spurning drinks, cigars, and late night partying, Snoot parlayed his newfound

energy (boring) to vie for the lead after four rounds. Shooting 38 on the front 9 at Oxmor Ridge on Sunday in round five, one could only imagine what coulda, shoulda, woulda if the last six holes had been played out. Could Boynie, aka Mr. Shanksalot turn his game around in time to contend? Could a red-hot Joe Babbo, Duke’s partner in the two-men cumulative bet continue to make a strong comeback. How about the Hackster making a late run as well. The Fish, however, was out of fuel and flopping around like a fish out of water, ergo; he was of no value for the second straight WDI. And there were two Kapaluas – he was beside himself.

So, as the drama unfolded on Sunday, it was anybody’s ball game. Seven players were within eight points of the lead. After a delicious meal at Highlands Grill on Saturday night in Birmingham and many bottles of tasty Silver Oak Cabernet as well as too many “nice” martinis, the sports media was unsettled as to who they should follow on Day five. Would it be The Duke, “I hit 13 greens, but 3 putted 17 at Shoal Creek. The second day I hit 17 greens but 3 putted 16. Then, the third day… ” blah, blah, blah (boring). Or how about the Snooter? Vying for his first maroon jacket (size 42) since Atlanta ’95 was his usual “What Dat Wa?” Playing to his first ever 10 handicap, he shouted, “Suck on this big hog!” shot after shot much to the delight of his fannies and much to the dismay of his fellow WDI’ers.

Tensions ran high as WDI officials tabulated the rain-shortened scores as the

golfers were quaffing long glasses of champagne while waiting for their private jet back to Tampa. Duke and Joe Bob celebrated as their 2-man team won top honors at plus 15, three points ahead of Snoot and Boynie. And Snoot and Duke, longtime chums off the fairway, but fierce competitors on, had played to a +7 tie. The Duke replied in all his humbleness, “I hit 13 greens but 3 putted 12, etc…”blah, blah, blah (Boring). An exciting (?) finish to a wonderful WDI in Alabama and, perhaps a return trip to the Crimson State and the Robert Trent Jones Trail in the future.

Yours in sports,

Rick Reilly

P.S. Many thanks to Nathan Stewart who made this trip so memorable with play at private courses, Shoal Creek, Old Overton, and Greystone.

P.S.S. Final Scores (w/o Oxmor Valley)

1 Tie   Duke               +7        77-72-74-73

1 Tie   Snoot              +7        83-82-84-78

3          Steve O.         +1        90-84-86-88

4          Boynie            0          95-91-86-93

5          Hack               -1         82-80-78-77

6          Joe Bob         -2         92-91-82-86

7          Kapalua          -4         79-82-83-86

8          Fish                 -13      102-92-91-90

Two Man Team

Duke & Joe Bob       +15

Snoot & Boynie         +12

Hack & Steve O.       +11

Kapalua & Fish         -9

How often do you shoot 97 on the final day of the year’s first major and still win the WDI? By playing the first three days at +7 and carrying a 10 point advantage into the final round on a cold, rainy, blustery day!

“The only way to upset Dennis “the Menace” was to go low on this type of day on a hard course with miserable conditions, and we couldn’t pull it off,” snapped a sapped Duke who managed only an 82 and a fourth place finish.

Rumors were flying that Little Petey forged a conspiracy after day One with his

Italian buddies, Kapalua, Joe Bob and Mudano to either break “The Menace’s” knee caps or steal his 7 iron. “Those fucking wops are as useless as tits on a wart hog,” wailed Little Petey. “I offered them free orthodontic work for one year and sausage and pepper sandwiches for a week, and they rejected my offer. Now, I’ve gotta listen to Denise’s crap every Saturday morning for the next year.”

Actually, low scores were posted by a slew of players on Thursday at Q-school venue, Panther Lake (Pete 76, Broneck 78, Snoot 81, Duke 82, Joe Bob and Mudman 83). By Friday, Denise, who trailed Little Petey by 4, took over the lead for good with a sizzling second round 84 at Crooked Cat, to lead by 2. Meanwhile, three-time champ and two-time ’08 winner, the Blackened Red-faced Fish was flopping around like a fish out of water shooting 103-95 at Reunion to miss the cut and finish last. He gained notoriety going from last to first in England in ‘04 and then gained more notoriety by going from first to worst in his last two tourneys. The Neck, vying for “comeback player of the millennium” with The Duke, however, saw his fortunes sag, as he shot 90 on day four to finish sixth. The Neck had played the first three days like a 30-year-old rookie shooting respectable scores in the 80s, flirting with good-looking toots and staying up till 10:30 p.m.

One of the highlights of the tourney was the first day competition between villas.

Buoyed by strong play by Little Petey and Denise, the Mongrel “Melting Pot” Villa narrowly beat the Germanic Villa by 3 points and the Italian Villa by 11. That prompted Neck, Broneck, Newman, and Snoot to get up even earlier at 3:00 AM daily to jumpstart their day, but even that didn’t work.

The other highlight was the cumulative two-man bet. Pete and Joe Bob blasted out of the gate with the lead after day one at +10, 10 points ahead of Broneck and Boynie and 11 ahead of Denise and Kapalua but folded like a cheap suit at the Men’s Wearhouse to finish 3^rd. The all Sicilian team of Denise and Kapalua took the lead at +9 after round two with an 84-81 combined score and held it until the end of the tournament to finish at -10 and win the $1,000.00 pot, 14 points ahead of second place puds, Duke and Neck.

On the evening before the final round, as The Menace was lurking over this three ounce filet and third iced tea, the boys were needling him about “trouble sleeping on the lead.” Apparently, the ruse backfired. Because of the noise at Forte Grill on Saturday night and Denise’s hearing and age, the infamous ENT doctor told this reporter that what he heard was, you’re going to have trouble sleeping in the bed, which, chuckling to himself, he thought, “Hell, I do that every night.”

In one last swipe at Jimmy the Greek who shockingly gave him 95 – 1 odds of winning, the Menace hoisted the WDI aluminum trophy overhead before an overflow crowd of 13 and ESPN cameras and shouted, “What goes around comes around, Geek; at the end of the day, it is what it is.” Whatever that means.

Here are the final scores:

1          Denise            88,84,90,97

Tie for second:

2          Kapalua          85,81,88,87               -8

2          Boynie            91,89,95,92               -8

4          Duke               82, 72, 79, 82            -10

5          Snoot              81,82,87,87               -12

6          The Neck        87,84,87,90               -14

Tie for seventh:

7          Joe Bob         83, 89, 94, 94            -15

7          Little Petey     76,80,87,92               -15

9          Mudman         83,83,87,85               -16

Tie for tenth:

10        Broneck          78,82,86,94               -19

10        Newman         90,86,103,95             -19

12        Fish                 91,96,101,100           -31

Cumulative two-man bet:

1          Kapalua & Denise    -10

2          Duke &Neck              -24

3          Broneck & Boynie     -27

4          Pete & Joe Bob        -30

5          Snoot & Newman      -31

6          Fish & Mudano          -44

There you are, folks, the final tabulations of a great start to the ’09 season.

Amid cries of joy and jubilation, WDI Golfers and their caddies giddy in disbelief, patted themselves on the back, and let the breaking news sink in: The gigantic (and still growing) “Melon Head” Briggs was not going to defend his WDI title at the upcoming first jewel of the WDI 2009 Tour at Orlando in February.

It’s not known whether WDI Chairman Kapalua Finchem suspended the “large head” or if Briggsy (as he is known by certain folks), elected not to play due to personal reasons. However, when a local WTVT reporter caught up with Commissioner Kapalua just as he was exiting Mons Venus after Superbowl XLIII held in Tampa, besides being red-faced and boner-less, the Commissioner blurted out that, apparently, Mr. Potato Head had been caught with his pants down, so to speak, at a men’s bathroom at the Dublin Airport by Irish undercover agents after winning the Irish WDI in September ’08, and sought to take personal leave for a while. The Commissioner declined to say if these allegations would hurt the WDI Tour in ’09. “It is factual that WDI sponsorships declined in Q4 08, and when the PGA Tour lost Tiger for six months, it definitely suffered, but to what degree, I can’t tell you,” snapped a nervous Commissioner Kapalua pulling up his collar to conceal two, large, red hickeys on his neck. “But I can tell you this, many of the PGA viewers flocked to the WDI Tour last year just to see cagey vets like Snoot Doggy Dog and Blather Neck roam the fairways. Time will tell in ’09 whether the viewers will watch Woods and the PGA or Duke, Fish, and Briggs on the WDI Tour.”

Other WDI golfers offered their views when contacted by the undersigned.

Newman (his playing partner in Ireland ’08) “I’m shocked. When I learned of this, I fell and broke my ankle (again).”

Snooter McNulty “You know, I sat next to the fucker on the WDI golf bus daily for a week, and he never once tried to kiss or fondle me.” I am quite thankful for that, but I can assure you I napped with one eye open, and I avoid him now at Palma Ceia.”

Jack Briggs (Mikey’s older brother) “No comment.”

Fish “I don’t care what persuasion he is. I think I could have overtaken that large head with my 22 handicap and careful pre-shot routine that is now fully-honed and ready for ’09.”

Keith “The Kid” Hiatt (longtime friend and player in Irish WDI) “Well, I don’t know if this is just plain gossip, but Mikey lived in Wisconsin for a while, and I remember someone inadvertently called him the Fond-u-Iac Fondler after he won a golf tournament there in ’78. I couldn’t believe it.”

Wildman Wilde (played in Irish WDI) “He always borrowed my chap stick in Ireland. I really thought he had chapped lips. But now, I don’t know…”

While it is not this reporter’s style to kick a man with a large head when he’s down, it’s safe to say the Tour won’t be seeing the Potato Head for awhile, and that may be a good thing (see John Daly). But who will be the frontrunner for the first crown of 2009? I asked my good friend the Mediterranean Grease Ball Jimmy “The Geek” to handicap the field.

Boynie (3-1)

Went from first to worst. Finished last in Orlando ’08 after winning in Torrey Pines in ’07, due to mysterious “injury” to left arm after Popeye-Arm Attachment operation went awry. Was a gamer though and played through pain.

Feels he has the chutzpah to win again “with or without Morrie.” What do a Limey, Kraut, Jew and Wop have in common? They’re all staying in the Mongrel Villa.

Fish (4-1)

Repeat winner in ’08 – he was investigated by SEC, FBI, CIA, and Costa Nostra and suspended from tour for foul-fish smelling golf play in June to September of ’08. The Flying Flounder missed Ireland and 3-peat chance due to suspension, but has been reinstated to WDI tour in time for Orlando. Wants to show WDI pals he’s no “catfish” but a friggin killer whale. Wait till you see his “fish-hook.”

Kapalua (5-1)

Finished 3rd in Orlando ’08 and never really captured his sterling play of ’06 – ’07 when he won consecutive tourneys in Michigan and Pinehurst. After limping in 9th in Ireland, he has retooled his swing and has been playing more “weller” (as in Diane). Has been en fuego as of late which made his handicap plummet. However, trying to play daily to get it back up before the WDI.

Staying in Italian Villa with fellow Wops and “good-looking toots,” a big plus – could be front runner for best looking Italian/Sicilian on WDI tour.

Duke of Sicily (6-1)

Coming back from 3-year hiatus. Trying to become “the Comeback WDI player of a decade” so he changed his moniker from the Duke of

Eric. Will be housed with fellow greaseball Italians in Italian Sicilian Villa. Is busy

learning Italian golf phrases like “Fucka you – you’re away.” “Nicea putt, ass-a-hole.” Could be a contender if he lays off the Chianti.

Mudman (7-1)

Finished in an embarrassing tie for 7th with Joe Babbo last year after guaranteeing victory in a pre-tournament party at the Mons Venus. Has

the game/weapons but fails to get the job done. Can you say “Whaatsa matta u?” Will reside in the Italian Sicilian Villa, though, and share emotional support, lots of Chianti, and lasagna with his greaseball roomies.

Lil Petey (8-1)

Finished 2nd at Bay Hill in ’08 after whining all friggin weekend, “the wine costs too much.” “The course is too hard.” “Dennis snores.” “I gotta play with Agliano every friggin day?” This could be his tournament if he doesn’t see

Bernie and Dennis all weekend which, as we all know, won’t happen ’cause he will be staying with them in the Mongrel Villa.

Snoot Doggy Dog (9-1)

Following last year’s DQ, a pissed but resilient Snoot Dog vowed to quit the drugs, booze, and prostitutes and get his game back: “What Dat Wa?” He then went out and lost to Fish by a point in Southern Hills and played well in Ireland until the last day (the drugs, booze, and Irish prostitutes returned). Living in the Germanic/Scottish Villa with a squad of Krauts devoid of drugs, booze and prostitutes should help Snoot rebound. Will be up at 4:30 a.m. doing German calisthenics.

Joe Babbo (10-1)

“No more Jessies for Joe Bob-” is his mantra. After tying for 7th in ’08, Joe Babbo started to catch fire, finishing 3rd in both Southern Hills and Ireland WDI’s. No longer a rookie but a fiery vet. Says ’09 is his year, but don’t call him “Bobby Jo” – he’ll stick a scalpel where the “the sun don’t shine.” Is bringing marinara, eggplants, and aged asiago cheese to Italian Villa to jump start his tournament. Longing to take daily olive oil baths with Kapalua (much to his chagrin).

Broneck (11-1)

Finished 6th at Bay Hills in ’08; a big disappointment for the retired American Captain. A single digit, retired golfer who plans to carve up the field this year. Says landing on Hudson River by US Air pilot “Sully” is no big deal. He did it twice: on the Amazon River (among thousands of pirana) and Polar icecap (of course, he parachuted prior to both landings). Has “ice” in his veins as he sets up over a 4-footer in the vomit range.

Newman (12-1)

Rookie WDI’er in ’08, played well in Ireland with new two-man betting format and won with Briggs even though his wheels almost fell off on day one at Carne. Played gamely nonetheless and tied for 5th with Wildman Wilde. Brings a lot of experience to the links as aging former athlete/movie star (co-starred in movie several years back “White Men Can’t Jump” (based on his true story). Wants to manipulate that into a surprise win in Orlando. One good thing for WDI’ers – his wheels are so bad that, if you fuck with him, he can’t chase you.

Denise “The Menace” (95-1)

Second WDI for “The Menace”- played poorly and finished 9th at Bay Hill in ’08. Blamed his poor showing on roomie – Lil Petey. Tried unsuccessfully to strangle him in his sleep or was it the other way around? Was banished appropriately from Italian Villa in ’09 for his ’08 play. Could be dark horse of the tournament if he uses his 7-iron for all his shots. However, his Italian pedigree is an issue.

The Neck/Blather Neck/Short Neck/Sore Neck (100-1)

Really has been a shell of a man since ’04 when he came in last in England, even Leebo and Marty passed him by. Trying to get over deep-seated emotional problems by seeing noted psychologist and first cousin, Adolf Von Nuechterlein. However, while he is playing better, he has adopted some historical delusions of grandeur, i.e., wants to invade Poland, France, Russian, etc. Also, in the running for comeback player of the decade but won’t win it. Even his peers (Joe and Mary Peers) have given up on the ’01 Neck. We’ll see what’s left in his tank.

So there you have it, boys and girls of all ages. Jimmy “The Geek” has handicapped the field for the first major of the year at Orange County/Reunion. Call now and ask for Bambi at 888-6969 and you can receive free “perks” as well as tickets to this standing-room only tournament. See you in Orlando.

Yours in golf,

Rick Reilly

On a cold, blustery day in Doonbeg, off the northwest coast in Ireland, “the large-headed man” sat down to a pint of Guinness, relished its flavor and smiled at his scorecard which reflected a round of 78 (actually, his third round of 78 this week to go along with a 79 and 81). It had been a long time since a “rookie” won a WDI event, but Mike “Melon Head” Briggs had done just that.

To win at Doonbeg, the last leg of a grueling five-round tournament, he had to “beat-off,” so to speak, three tough challengers, each of whom was tied for second place, five points behind the large-headed man at -13. They included “The Kid,” a 19-year-old wonderkid from Ohio and a “scratch” golfer (I think it could have been the crabs.), the steely-eyed two-time EuroChamp, “The Bolt” and four-time, good-looking WDI U.S. Champ, and everyone’s favorite, Kapalua. But before I get to the final round, here are some of the highlights of the 26th WDI tournament in Ireland.

All the rookies played well, especially the Ohioans, The Kid and Jack “Humpty”

Briggs. Jack led the tournament after day one at Carnes, probably the hardest of he five courses, shooting 82 and co-led again after day three (shooting 79) at County Sligo with The Kid who had posted a 78; both led at -5. But the tourney was far from over. Many more strokes of sheer golf-skill were forthcoming from this crazy group of (by this time) women-starved immature hooligans.

Jerry “The Gimp” Newman and “Wildman” Wilde played consistent golf all week.

The Gimp was in danger of being shot (THEY SHOOT HORSES DON’T THEY?) on several occasions due to faulty wheels but managed to tough it out on the last day at Doonbeg to tie Wilde for fifth place at -18. After seeing Wilde’s swing, many of the young, Irish caddies were in a Sodom-Gomorrah like trance for several seconds and then tried hard not to make eye contact with him for the rest of the round. And Wilde thought it was his breath. Those in the group who had never played with Wilde actually thought he was a trick-shot artist on the first tee at Adare Manor.

Joe Bob, meanwhile, started 92-101, due, once again, to Kapalua’s influence on

innovative drinking techniques and loud snoring. After overcoming both, he rallied at County Sligo to take low net of the day (+8) and shoot 83. That set him up to play consistent golf at Connemara and Doonbeg, as he ended up in third place at -14.

Hyden-Seek started out slow also, shooting 85-92, then capped the week’s

tournament with low net at Doonbeg with a +8, as he shot 79. Hyden-Seek finished fourth at -16. His experience as he plays more WDI competitive golf (vs. the crap they do at Tampa Palms) is helping him cope with the pressure, and he did well.

His sleeping partner, the Snoot-Doggy-Dog, had a horrendous week. Although his start was legendary Snoot, shooting 88-83, winning money and shouting, “WHAT DAT WA”, lack of sleep, too much wind, too few Jessie’s, no Starbucks, and one too many conference calls led to his demise, as he shot the high score of the day at Doonbeg (96) and limped home last. There would not be any more of “SIT ON THIS FAT HOG” exclamations on Saturday.

The new betting event, in which one of the low handicappers choose (out of a hat) a high handicapper, proved to be fun and competitive. Globe Head and Jerry Newman, who had started out last after day one, won by 5 points over the second place puds, Hyden-Seek and Joe Bob. However, no money for second place, puds. Sorry.

Now back to the final round at Doonbeg. Moving through the media jam leading up to the first tee box, the large-headed man bounced along like a kite in the wind, never looking at any one reporter but gazing nervously down the first fairway, bundled up for hurricane-like winds, hung over and seemingly lost and in his own little world. (globe)

By contrast, his main competitors and playing partners were loose like a goose. The Kid, who had just awakened from a two-hour nap, was fit as a fiddle as he quaffed down two quick pints of Carlsberg. The Bolt, confident in his current, haughty state, was busy telling a BBC crew that after the match, he planned on traveling to Disney World. Kapalua, meanwhile, was busy putting on his game face while talking to two blonde, gorgeous ESPN sportscasters explaining to them what two and one meant (a threesome) in golf jargon.

But, by the first hole, the match was essentially over as Potato Head birdied, The

Kid bogeyed, and Bolt and Kapalua parred. Potato Head managed to birdie two more holes en route to a 36-42 round. Bolt tried to keep up gallantly after birdieing the fourth but only managed a +1 day and second place. The Kid and Kapalua both fell apart on the back nine, like cheap suits at the Men’s Wearhouse and plummeted to eight and ninth, respectively.

You can call him Large Head, Melon Head, or Big Head, but in the end, you have to call him Mr. Consistent Large Head, thank you very much. In the words of Julius Cesar, “Big Head come, Big Head drink (a lot), Big Head conquers.”

 FINAL STANDINGS

1          Melon Head               -7

2          Bolt                             -12

3          Joe Bob                     -14

4          Hyde n’ Seek             -16

5          Wildman                     -18      tie

5          Newman                     -18      tie

7          Jack Briggs               -19

8          The Kid                       -20

9          Kapalua                      -23

10        Snooter                      -35

There you have it, boys and girls. A great tournament ends the ’08 season, as

’09 promises to be even better. WDI venues are currently being studied, but make no mistake, it would be hard to top ’08. Bay Hill – Orlando, Southern Hills – Tulsa, The Snoot ’08 – Atlanta, and finally, N.W. Ireland.

See you in ’09.

Rick Reilly

On September 13th through the 20^th, the windswept courses of Northwest Ireland will be host to the WDI’s last major of the 2008 season. In anticipation of this European event, reporters, media, and fans are preparing to flock to the Emerald Isle to try to catch a glimpse of their favorite WDI golfer.

But, alas, the make-up of this year’s participants is going to be a lot different in September of ’08 due to the infusion of talented rookies and the excretion (so to speak) of several vets.

First of all, there will be no Fish Slam this year, as the floundering flounder has been DQ’d for this event due to handicap irregularities, a lack of euros, and burn-out syndrome. As of September 12^th, he will be stripped of his “maestro” moniker he has used since Tulsa in May and will revert back to simply, the “Smelly Pescado.”

The Neck Brothers, Little Clam and Stiff Neck, failed to sign their scorecard in English (they signed them in German) after their last tournament in Stuttgurt, Germany in July and were not only DQ’d for this Ireland trip but investigated for their ties to great uncle Adolf Von Nuechterlein, currently running from authorities for his role at Stalag 17.

“Boynie” Stein, winner at Torrey Pines in August of ’07, has fallen harder than a lead balloon since then and was last seen in counseling at the home of Dr. James E. Hoover, noted golf shrink. He had to WD.

So that leaves a field of 10 players who are handicapped below by that “greasy,” fat-assed, foulbreath, infamous handicapper, Jimmy the Geek. See you in Doonbeg.

(As far as the other invites who couldn’t make it, the Rocket, running for judge; Shea, too wishy washy; Hodge, doesn’t travel well; Mudano, wanted to go to Sicily, Brooks, wasn’t invited; Galen, wants to work a little harder in ’08, Prez Kap, couldn’t get past security machines due to a new hip and knees, Lebster, couldn’t find his cell number; Duffy, afraid to go – was born in Southern Ireland; and Agliano, costs too many euros.)

ROOKIES

Mike Briggs aka Briggsey, Bubble Head or Cabeza Melon (Melon Head) (5-1)

Sweet singing low handicapping rookie and underachieving brother of Jack. Wants to showcase his golf swing for the Irish. Could be a contender if he stays healthy/sober. Can’t wear a cap due to unusual size of head. When someone says he’s got a big head, it’s not because he’s arrogant, it’s because he’s got a big, fucking head. Could be a contender.

Keith “The Kid” Hiatt (6-1)

A champion of his own on the AVT tour, although, he’s been known to take a spill or two. The youngest of the group at age 18, fresh off his best year at Auburn Golf where he lead his college team to 110th in the NCAA tourney (The Blind Ladies of Holy Name were 109th). A promising rookie who hasn’t been tested on the WDI tour. After a few brews, critics say his game could go south (GO GATORS)

Jack “Humpty” Briggs (8-1)

Older and better looking twin brother of Mikey by 16 seconds (or was it 16 months? Whatever!) Has all the favorable characteristics that Mike doesn’t have, charisma, personality, good looks, better swing, longer schlong, et cetera. Having his 49th birthday during the tourney may fire him up to victory.

Jeff “Wildman” Wilde (99-1)

A legend in his own mind. Golf swing is somewhat unusual. It resembles a man

trying to kill a snake in a phone booth. When he first started taking golf lessons, his instructor reassured him and said “you have a brighter future chopping cane.” A driver in Wildman’s hand might produce five of his most consistent shots: a monster slice, a wounded jack rabbit, a worm burner, a pop fly, and a snap hook. A real dark horse who keeps naked pictures of Jim Furyk in his closet.

Jerry “Jer” Newman aka “Oldman” (100-1)

Possibly the oldest and tallest member of the group (7’3″). At 85, surprisingly spry – can still hit drives 160, 163 – but not straight. Will bring a lot to the table – a large appetite. Don’t count him out, count him dead meat.

 VETERANS

 Steve “Hide & Seek” Hyden (7-1)

Coming off a promising second place showing at the WDI tourney at Torrey Pines in September of ’07, Hyden Seek found his game hiding (where else) in the back of his mind. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t say much. A Tampa Palms low handicapper who loves Irish courses, Irish Whiskey, and Latin ladies. He is mild and good natured; his game is as patient as a bomb diffuser. Could go far in this tourney.

George “Kapalua” Cappy aka Capizzi (9-1)

Although he is a 4-time WDI Champ (and recently voted best-looking WDI player in ’08 by the girls at Mons Venus), he has been shut out on the Euro-Circuit. Plans to change that on the windy Northwest Irish Coast in September. It appears that, after revamping and retooling his swing this past summer, this sweet-swinging, Puerto Rican, Hawaiian who lives in Sicily (in the offseason)

is ready to compete. His new motto for Ireland is “Capizzi Competes.” Watch out, if he is near or in the lead. Has a stare (a la Ray Floyd) that would make a suicide bomber wet himself (or herself; to be proper in this day and age) Is a contender, not a pretender.

Jim “Snooter” McNulty aka Snoot Dog (10-1)

Recently has been more of a golf promoter than golfer (see Father-Son Cherokee Golf tourney ’08) and his play shows. However, at May’s WDI at Southern Hills in Tulsa, was the leader going into last round, but pulled a Greg Norman. Too many pre-game interviews by the Golf Channel and one too many bloodies may have buoyed his spirits; but after limping home with a final round 83, found out he placed 2nd by one shot. Snoot’s expression was that of a cardiologist staring at a flat line EKG. But with a few Irish toddies, he’ll be ready to bounce back and bounce back big. Could be a contender.

Bob “Joe Bob” Pesce (15-1)

Playing in 5th straight WDI tourney however, hasn’t made the cut in the past four. Probably due to dietary problems. Has to eat Sicilian food three times a day. Can’t get enough of it. Problem is, the WDI is in Ireland where they don’t even have any Italians much less Italian food. Although his handicap has fluttered up and down like a runaway kite, he is playing serious golf as of late. Placed 3rd at Southern Hills in Tulsa. Could be a contender, were not for his roommate’s snoring.

Stevie “Bolster” Bolter aka “The Bolt” (75-1)

It appears The Bolt is back fully cocked and reloaded (so to speak). The two-time Euro Champ (’99 and ’01), however, has played more like a Euro Chump lately. After a long layoff from the WDI tour, does he have the “chutzpah” for one more trophy? Some say he is a shell of a man, that his best days are behind him. Will try to quiet his critics with his innate knowledge of Irish golf. Knows Irish fescue, wind, and rain like the back of his penis. Last seen at CVS Pharmacy in Palm Coast purchasing a large tube of KY Jelly. Watch out, Wilde.

So there you have it, a rundown of the contestants for the final major of the year – Northwest Ireland ’08. As you can see, there is an infusion of new blood with five golfers with single-digit handicaps to go along with the rest of the pud-like handicaps of the WDI. A report will be made shortly by our anchors at the BBC and ESPN, including a Steve Melnick lookalike, and Tricky Nicky Faldo. This event will be televised between 1:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m. EST on Sunday through Friday. We apologize for any inconvenience because of the unusual time, but we have to compete with The Raising Daisy and Wild Flower Show and The How Much Beer Can an Irishman Drink in 10 Minutes Show which take the predominant weeknight time slots in Ireland.

See you at Doonbeg, laddies.

Rick Reilly

It was a cold, windy day in Oklahoma, and it took all you could to keep the ball in play at venerable Southern Hills, the site of the 25th WDI Tournament. Small crowds of WDI groupies, ex-pilots and drunk Hooter girls cheered and jeered as the WDI’ers plunked, chunked and plodded down the famed Southern Hills course.

After day one, everyone’s favorite and four-time champion, Kapalua, and Fish and/or Cut-Bait had eked out a narrow one-shot lead over the second-place plodders, Broneck and Joe Bob. Rocket Rosen and Snooter had played to the middle of the pack while comeback hopeful Bolt, the aging “broken” Neck and flash-in-the-pan Boynie brought up the rear. Meanwhile in the Oklahoma division TK had parlayed a +5 day to a one-shot lead over Prez Kap and 7 over Ramdog.

That evening at a tasty barbecue dinner at Prez Kap’s sprawling Southern Hills ranch-style house with drinks-a-flowing and barbs-a-throwing, the WDI boys, elated from their first foray at Southern Hills, seemed rested and content. That was before the ghost of Nutsy Fagan reared his ugly head. A wingman extraordinaire, his past exploits seemed to embolden a tired, weary Little Clam Neck. Through thick cigar smoke and maybe one too many ouzo’s, the gauntlet was thrown out-play great golf the next day or eat shit and die. Fish was confident as he sat next to Blowfish, also known as Steve Melynk; Joe Bob kept knocking down ouzo’s at a record pace and Prez Kap’s cabinet of delicious Pyrat Rum took a beating. As the boys crawled back to their cars, the drunken Neck hollered back, to no one in particular, “I love you, Nutsy,” as he gazed at one of Prez Kap’s bronzed statues that surround the pool.

Day two was moving day, and it didn’t take long for Snoot Doggy Dog to fire a 79 (low round of the tournament) and take a one-shot lead over the soon-to-be disqualified Rocket Rosen, who was banished from the tournament for one too many limericks. Fish and Joe Bob lurked one shot back while Kapalua and Broneck limped in three shots behind. PrezKap buoyed by his famous bean dish the night before, used its wind to his benefit to shoot a gassy +4 and take a commanding lead over fellow Oklahoma competitors by 7 shots.

Day three loomed eerily. Disciplined by Southern Hills Pro Dave Bryan for all around shitty play, the presence of countless tornados and the threat of Prez Kap’s impeachment by the Southern Hills Board of Directors – the WDI was forced to play its last round at the Golf Club of Oklahoma, Prez Kap’s other proving ground, so to speak. Prez Kap’s team, once again, prevailed due to his +14 day, and he easily raced to a +21 overall and first place finish in the Oklahoma Division (TK and Ramdog, his former friends, left the course early, pissed). Kapalua, Broneck and Joe Bob all had their chances on the Fazio-designed course but fell back. Especially Joe Bob, who could have been a contender until he triple bogeyed no. 18. Bladder Neck thought it was Sunday and played great golf (+4) (muttering throughout his round, “This shot’s for you, Nutsy.”), while Broneck staggered and flamed out and Boynie, yesterday’s hero, (and Kapalua look alike) went further in the tank. As for comeback hopeful, Bolt, he managed to upright his ship to shoot the low score of the day (81) to finish tied for 4th overall with his roomie, Kapalua, much to the disappointment of the Tulsa Cat House Girls who dotted the course with their short skirts, halter tops, and t-back, fur lined panties.

In the end, without the benefit of any Jessie’s, Snoot Dog faltered and fell a shot short of the famed Sandicapper Fish (-15). (He was a 9 just two months earlier.) Prez Kap, also known as the Corsican Pyrat, and playing without his famed golfing brother, Kapalua, but with his adopted brother, Short Neck, basked in the Oklahoma sun as he graciously accepted the aluminum Oklahoma WDI trophy (which resembles a large penis attached to a bicycle seat). Tornado warnings notwithstanding, the Fish, also known as Maestro, had repeated. But could he 3-peat? Negative.

In the history of the WDI, only two puds had won consecutive tourneys, Bolt and

Kapalua and did not 3-peat, but alas, the Fish will not and cannot vie for a 3-peat in Ireland in September of ’08 due to off-field agent disputes and family distractions. Nor will Broken Neck, his bro or past champ, Boynie be eligible for the Ireland Tourney because they ALL missed the cut. So who will be favored in Ireland of September of ’08? Could it be the steely-eyed, smoldering, hot play of Snoot Doggy Dog (what dat waa) or Bolt, the Comeback Kid, once a Euro-Champ, maybe now a EuroChump or the surprising consistent play of Joe Bob or that sweet, swinging, good-looking, Puerto Rican, Hawaiian, Kapalua or one of the new rookies, Cabeza, Humpty, Babyface, or The Wildman. Or will it be the ghost of Nutsy Fagan?

Tune into ESPN 2 for the daily play-by-play action starting on September 14th by veteran ESPN anchors, Steve “Brofish” Melynk and everyone’s favorite Morrie.

See you in September,

Rick Reilly

Final Standings

Florida Division:

1          Fish                 -7

2          Snoot              -8

3          Joe Bob         -10

4 Tie   Kapalua          -12

4 Tie   Bolt                 -12

6          Neck               -16

7          Broneck          -17

8          Boynie            -22

9          Rocket            -6 WD/DQ’d

Oklahoma Division:

1          Prez Kap        +21 (new WDI record)

2          TK                   0

3          Ramdog         -4

Well, boys, the May WDI Oklahoma Tourney is near. In anticipation of the WDI Southern Hills, the greenskeeper has called and informed me that they are cutting the greens especially low and keeping the rough intact in preparation for the WDI tournament. The press is already hounding me with questions and pictures of some of our favorite WDI players, so I told them just to meet us at the golf course, and we would oblige.

Remember that we cannot use credit cards at Southern Hills or the Golf Club of Oklahoma. So plan to bring either cash or personal checks to pay either my brother or the two other gentlemen who will be joining us. We will have our own bet based upon three-man teams as Prez Kap and his two Oklahoma members don’t want to participate in our bet, but they will do a $20.00-a-day bet with us instead. Broneck will be emailing you as far as what cash to bring for the bets and everything else.

I just received a phone call from Jimmy the Geek, Jr., and he is quite angry at people calling him a Mediterranean grease ball because he does his job and does it well. Once again, he has handicapped this tournament’s players and offered a little highlight as to each of their personal attributes. So here you have them, the handicap picks for The Oklahoma WDI.

THE OKLAHOMA PLAYERS

Prez Kap (100-1)

Always has played in the shadow of his famous golfing “and much younger” brother. A high handicapper who can get hot in streaks- just look at the streaks in his hair. Critics say his swing reminds one of a Vega-matic – he slices and dices his way down the fairway. Around the greens, he has a touch of a gorilla. However, you can’t bag Prez Kap too much, for he be the “host.” Also hails from Sicily by way of Corsica.

Tom Kelly “TK” (75-1)

A good-natured, Irish gent who loves golf and animals. Has a great sense of humor – you have to when you see his swing. Currently, raises cows for both profit and hobby. Watch out, Broneck, if you cross him, he is likely to throw a cow pie at you.

Bill Ramsey “Ramdog” (25-1)

Ramsey is a throwback to the 60’s – you know the guy who drove motorcycles, greased his hair back with axle oil, had his cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve of his t-shirt, played in the middle of the line in football, well, the speech is typical, county Oklahoma, and his golf game is atypical but fun. His name, Ramdog, says it all. He will be paired as a partner with Snoot Dog. What… that… was?!!

THE FLORIDA PLAYERS

Snoot (10-1)

The favorite went off as 5 to 1 in Orlando and was promptly DQ’d for breaking curfew. Actually, he finished with a flourish there – with that late surge (ala Iraq). Will that be enough to ward off his AI Queda like competition? Is hot. Just won his flight with Bobby Weed at the April Palma Ceia Member Guest. He is a gamer, a grinder, and he be the Snoot Doggy Dog.

Kapalua (12-1)

A major attraction to the WDI tourney. This Puerto Rican born, Hawaiian who hails from Sicily is still a hot commodity. After winning consecutive WDI titles in Michigan in ’06 and Pinehurst in ’07, he stumbled but finished tied for 3rd in the next two. Perhaps, his medical status has cleared him for a major jump start in Tulsa. His adoring fans long for him to be back in the winner’s circle again.

Broneck (13-1)

A slow yet steady vet. His play is usually unnerved notwithstanding the media pressure (what do you want from a former American Airlines captain). Has been in contention in the last four tournaments; his time could come as it did in Orlando ’05 when he posted a WDl low 73 on his way to his first co-championship.

Fish (14-1)

Fish’s game continues to memorize critics – he is hot; he is cold; sort of like a big, fucking pompano flipping on the grill. After he won at Bay Hill (with all those lucky breaks), he fell apart like a cheap suit at the Men’s Wearhouse. Let’s wait and see which game he brings to Tulsa.

Boynie (60-1)

Fish’s roomie – the other half of the topsy turvy twins; Heckle and Jeckle, Moe and Larry; well, you get it. He prevailed at Torrey Pines in ’07 and also goes into the tank soon afterward. Injury – smidgery. Does he have the chutzpah to play well or what? We’ll see.

Joe Babbo (65-1)

Had an early spurt in Orlando that sent him up the leaderboard – he credits that to a large plate of pasta fagioli. A dark-haired Sicilian who plays by the book (the Sicilian Book of Omerta) and would just love to rub out the competition, so to speak. He could be a comer or he could be a goer.

The Rocket (85-1)

What can we say about The Rocket’s game that already hasn’y been said – actually, not much. Has a heart of a 60 year old but the knees of a 20 year old. Vying to become the first American WDI Jew to tee off at Southern Hills. His play lately at Palma Ceia has been sporadic. Apparently, he is taking notes from Mr. HP Handicap Sand Bagger Brooksy.

Bolt (90-1)

The Bolt is back without the “lightning.” You could say his game is like a 90 year old; it lacks teeth. Trying to become the “comeback player of the year” – hasn’t played in WDI competition since he was spanked by Kapalua in Michigan in September of ’06. Will the drought continue? I think so.

Neck (101-1)

The poor guy, he continues to try to emulate his good pal, Kapalua, by buying new equipment. (He is no longer playing Persimmons clubs anymore.) Driver, three-wood putter, balls, etc., but the only way to improve the Neck’s game is to replace his short, stout body from his neck (so to speak) down. Is a has been, hang arounder and will finish way back in the pack.

So there you have it, a very objective handicap analysis by my good friend, Jimmy the Geek, who continues to be off his mark when it comes to handicapping the WDI tournament. We will see what happens in Tulsa. See you then.

Yours in golf,

Rick Reilly

In a slugfest, reminiscent of the great Ali-Frazier battles of yesteryear, Team Kapalua “eked” out a narrow 5 point win over Team Snooter after two grueling days of Ryder Cup Competition at the “Snoot 08 Atlanta” Father’s Day Extravaganza held on June 20 – 22.

However, after day one at Cherokee, the eventual Team Kapalua victory was in doubt for two main reasons. Number one, one of Team Snooter’s players, Kellen Oldham withdrew and was replaced by Tough Tommy Crozier (a 25 replaced by a 15) who promptly shot 81, and number two, one wonders how everyone got back to the hotel after dinner at Morton’s (luckily, The Ritz was right across the street).

That first night at Morton’s with true stories, made up lies, and drinks a-flowin amongst the four-pound porterhouse steaks and heavenly baked, potatoes, the fact that most of Team Kapalua’s players were younger golfers could have been a detriment. Joe Bob, Jr., Mudman, Jr., the Cohen Boys (how about their latest flick? Old Country for Old Fuckers), and little Joey Cappy were all under 25 years old (and all a lot inebriated). But like Mussolini’s Italian Storm Troopers, they rebounded on day two.

Team Snooter was riding high due to great golf played on Friday by Tough Tommy Crozier, Jake “The Snake” Nellis, his Dad “two birdies” Bill, his father-in-law Johnny Boy Blackmon, and his stepdad, Snoot and sons Alan, Brian, nephew Bill (“I can hook it, or shank it; you call it”) McNulty, son-in-law Jeff Hayden (who immediately signed up for 16 lessons from scratch golfer and forecaddie Paul/Peter Rhee) (together from this point on – except Gary/Mike

Rhee – referred to as “the related Snootees”), suddenly unraveled like crackheads at a Billy Graham crusade. I guess they foolishly expected to continue to advance the ball down the fairway in a linear path. Brian McNulty played like the poster child for Ray-Ray Golf (one hole you play like Ray Floyd and the next, you play like Ray Charles). But he contributed well on Saturday’s round with a tingling 101. The Sam Duffer foursome was boosted by Glenn Insley and his son MarshaII. They were not taking this writer’s interviews post-round, but word did make it to Tampa that Marshall asked Duffer for his daughter’s hand in marriage sometime over the weekend. Just think they get to add 21 more to the wedding party, all expenses paid!! I mean hell I’d certainly do that.

Team Kapalua, meanwhile, shaking off cobwebs of too much drink and too little sleep and especially backed by the play of the A-team (Adam and Alex Cohen, the One-Eyed Duke and Muddog Mudano who all shot in the 70s), rallied the maddening and excited crowd of wanna-be golfers of Atlanta who knew this competition was a must-see. Equally surprising was the play of Joe Bob, Sr., and Jr., Joey and Ryan Cappy, Little Stevie Sideburns, Mudman, Jr., and Kapalua (80). They should all be applauded for helping the Italian cause at Bear’s Best.

When all the scores were counted and all the whining finished (whining, by the way, is one of the rock-solid foundations of golf), Team Kapalua had snatched victory from the jaws of defeat by the narrowest of margins. Kapalua in his post-game interview at Pried’s Italian Restaurant in Buckhead was as gracious as ever as he pointed toward the McNulty Klan who were stewing in their drinks in disbelief and shouted “Youse guys played like crap!” Snooter was even more diplomatic as he fired back, “Fuck you, we ain’t paying!”

When all was said and done, it was a tourney like no others (actually, it was a lot like every WDI tournament) and one that should and could be played on an annual basis for years to come. New friends and relationships were made. Old friendships were renewed, and the father-son bonding was penultimate.

See you next year at a location to be determined.

Rick Reilly

P.S. Joe Bob, as of this writing, has still not returned to Tampa since his driving was a little suspect. Let’s just say he made the wrong turn at a One-Dollar Café in Atlanta and hasn’t been seen since.