The field is wide open for this year’s first WDI tournament due to the recent softball injury to Little Stevie Bolster, a five-time WDI champ. His absence improves the odds for the rest of the field. So here they are – the odds and the contestants who are vying for the coveted WDI aluminum cup.
Jorge Kapalua (7-4)
Vying for WDI Golfer of the Year; last year’s WDI champ at Michigan over eight grueling courses; a second place finisher at this year’s Gasparilla (did I say 12th flight) means he’s for real; a fan favorite; good-looking Hawaiian hails from Puerto Rico.
Snooter (10-1)
A legend in his own mind; shot in the 70s in the ’95 and ’97 Pinehurst WDI’s; is secretly working on his game; could be the darkhorse of the tournament; knows Pinehurst like the back of his penis.
Bro-Neck (12-1)
Since retiring from Aeroflot Airlines, game has improved dramatically as seen from his co-championship with Kapalua at Bay Hill – Lake Nona in ’05; has gone from a pretender to a contender; speaks fluent Russian.
Nick Leb (aka The Lebster Boy) (20-1)
A rookie retiree in his 50s (what’s that about) with a 10 handicap from North Carolina; has made his money in the pharmaceutical business selling drugs; local knowledge being from Carolina a plus; rooming with Snooter a real liability, should bring lots of hearing aids.
“Joe Bob” Pesce (25-1)
Rookie on WDI tour as well; has the game to contend; we’ll see which game Joe Bob brings; is consistently inconsistent, however; but has good golf pedigree; word of caution, don’t cross him on the golf course; you saw what happened to the bartender on Good Fellas; a top notch pediatric physician; if he grabs your balls and asks you to cough – you better hope it’s a real exam.
Boynie (30-1)
A perennial second place finisher (ask Sharon); won’t know what role his hernia surgery plays in the tourney (even if he had it – rumor has it that Boynie was spotted at a Nicklaus/Flick golf school the weekend of his surgery disguised as a used car salesman); will have to play his “A” game in order to win this tourney; usually brings his “D” and “F” games, however.
Fish (200-1)
Could be the winner of the WDI “Flash in the Pan Award” which is an oft-used phrase for the England ’04 WDI champ; has missed the cut in six straight tournaments since England; his handicap is going up and down faster than a frickin thermometer; dug himself a hole in the ’06 Michigan WDI that he couldn’t crawl out of; needs a hot putter in order to contend; needs two new bionic arms also in order to contend.
The Neck (201-1)
A washed up former Hitler youth; lives on yesteryear’s press clippings; virtually has no chance of winning, even though Pinehurst was the scene of his greatest victories; over the years, his strength and height have dramatically ebbed; he is now 5′ 1″; can only hit driver 165 yard (with the wind); after two nice martinis – usually genial personality turns into a megalomaniac, spurting out words like blitzkreig, luftwaffe, and sieg heil; has seen the Good German (starring George Clooney) 21 times; thinks it’s his autobiography.